Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
