Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
