Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
