the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
