My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We left the knife in your bed.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
