idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
