I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
