I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize