It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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