I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
