i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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