seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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