is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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