jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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