Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
