Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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