Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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