I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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