I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I got inside last night via doggy door
So much Jack, so little girl.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
