she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
