OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Sorry about my life...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
