i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
