sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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