dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize