Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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