too bad you live with your parents still
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
