i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
