Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
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