Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
