hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
