found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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