So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize