i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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