Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
