I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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