I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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