My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
