I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
