I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize