I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
