Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
