the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
