Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
