Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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