Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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