I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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