Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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