That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
