Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
