Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize