Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
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