U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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