New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
