He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize