im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My liver just broke up with me...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
