My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
