don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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