I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
