How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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