Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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