My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just want nice things and good sex
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
