oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
