I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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