he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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