white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
