Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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