It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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