ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Everyone says I win the strip club
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
