Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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