My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
