I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
