I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
