I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
no more duck duck goose at the bar
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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