Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
