I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
