nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We're using joints as your birthday candles
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
