I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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