Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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