And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My vagina just recognized that song.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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