He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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