College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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