i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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