last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
