She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize