please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
