K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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