I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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