I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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