Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I wish i was in the wii world.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
you made out with another girl for some wings
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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