I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
