I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Is Oprah even human
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
