did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
