dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize