I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
