pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I touched a dick in church today
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
