I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I am available for nakedness
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
