She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
