The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just invented taco cereal.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
