It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
